Floundering On My Road to Finding Artistic Expression

OR…How to find your Creative Muse!

I spent Saturday procrastinating about going into my studio and torching. I had finished some orders a week ago, shipped the flowers and everyone was happy with the results. It’s always a little stressful waiting for feedback. So I celebrated a few days, caught up on chores, cooked soups that I freeze so I don’t have to cook everyday, cleaned house and collapse for a day or so.

Now, it was time to get back to work and I was a little depressed. It is exciting creating flowers for people who want and love my beads. But now, I don’t have anything pressing to do. I kind of feel like a fish out of water….flopping around with no direction.

I managed to evade the studio Friday and Saturday…. making up excuses and doodling until it was too late to start up the kiln. But Sunday, I got up early and marched myself to the studio…. and sat…..and stared at my flower beads.

I looked at photos of flowers, looked at my flower beads again, and went through my trays of beads. I came across a “bouquet of flowers” bead that I had planned on revisiting to expand on the designs. I decided it is time to do so. I could feel a tinge of excitement about the challenge. (Tip: You know you’re on the right path when you start getting excited!)

Embracing the Challenge!

I rationalized…”I am a better lampworker now than 2 years ago, maybe I can succeed this time.” I failed miserably last time!

Truly, the seed was planted a week earlier when a fellow lampworker suggested I check out Paul Stankard’s glass paperweights, that maybe I would enjoy that direction. I am always amazed by his work but I know I don’t have his kind of patience. His website was inspirational though, and I vowed to become a better artist after visiting it!

So, I rallied my courage & threw myself towards this new adventure with my glass.

Stankard says,”…educating oneself while focusing inward is a worthwhile challenge that puts you in touch with your creative need. Find what’s emotionally meaningful to you and learn to express it creatively…. it’s essential for the individual to feel her or his vision is advancing along a personal journey.”

(If you would like to read his whole article which is well worth the time… go to… http://www.paulstankard.com/books_%26_videos.htm and click on “What I tell my students Part 1, & 2).

My Creative Need is perfecting my abilities enough to express, in glass, how emotional exhilarating it feels to me to behold nature’s magnificent creations. This need is like a carrot dangling just out of my reach and it always puts me squarely in line for frustration & disappointment. On the bright side, at least I have a direction now.

So this bead is where I left off 2 years ago….. and my starting point. So far this week my results on capturing my vision are advancing in the frustration and disappointment direction. But at least I am on my journey!